I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
