I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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