I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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