the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
