So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
