I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
