i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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