fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
