The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
