the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
