Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drunk is not a location!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
