My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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