This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
