I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
