I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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