so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
