Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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