wrigley field is MILF paradise
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
