every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
