maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
