I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
