i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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