I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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