just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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