you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
