there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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