my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
