I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Shame is for Republicans.
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