he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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