We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
