barbara walters just said penis...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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