why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
