i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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