Me. At least after what I've been through.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
