when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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