You can't special order awesome
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
