I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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