your thong is hanging out like whoa
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
