summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
