It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
