People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
