He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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