I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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