This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
