Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
