lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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