nut hugger
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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