I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
