i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
