You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
