She's JV to your varsity
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
