Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
