I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
