this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
